Just because he doesn’t look you in the eye doesn’t mean he is being rude or that he doesn’t like you (although truthfully it can).  But in most cases, just because a person with autism doesn’t make eye contact doesn’t mean they are mean.

Children with autism, however, avoid eye contact for a multitude of reasons. Some of those reasons may include (please note when I state reasons for things I will never give you a absolute answer, as autism is probably one of the most non-absolute disorders you will come across).  They often lack the usual social motivation that leads other children to make eye contact, finding motivation for children with autism is key in treatment.  As they aren’t always motivated by the same things a neurotypical child is.  They can also sometimes find eye contact to be a very intense and overwhelming sensory experience, almost painful to some.  They may find it difficult to focus both on spoken language and on another person’s eyes at the same time.  Due to autism being a disorder being marked by sensory issues, the overload of verbal and visual cues can prove to be too much.  

But, not all kids with autism avoid eye contact or they don’t avoid it with all people.  According to the DSM-5, autism is characterized by “marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction.”  Therefore it could be a different combination of nonverbal behaviors for different children.

For my Maddox, he has no problem with eye contact with me if I approach him or call his name.  However, sometimes if I am talking to him he may turn away or if I pick up a camera or a phone to take pictures he usually will turn away without contact calling his name or saying “cheese”.

So next time you come across a child or an adult that you speak to and the turn away or look down or don’t speak back, don’t automatically assume they are rude or have no “home training”.  Be aware that maybe, just maybe it is just too much for them to process.